Category: Lee’s Self Healing Journey

My Soul Searching Mission | Self & the Solar Chakra Series Introduction

My Soul Searching Mission | Self & the Solar Chakra Series Introduction

Throughout my awakening recently (2019) I have delved back into my own Soul Searching mission. I have found some extremely interesting, enlightening, and solid info about the soul that seven years ago (my last soul searching mission) I couldn’t find evidence for.

Soul Journey Green Phantom Bracelet ZJ
This Soul Journey Green Phantom Bracelet from Zen Jewelz facilitates broader spiritual awareness and assists with transitions. Taking you traveling through multi or inner dimensions, it strips away the layers to reveal your spiritual core.

My own interests in the soul started with a realization of Depression and what it looked like within my friends and family. I was aware from a young age that the state of negative thinking drove people into this state. I wanted to know why people were not simply more optimistic. From this immature status at the time I wondered why people studied for jobs they didn’t want. Or why they stayed in relationships that continued to hurt them. This was all very boggling to me and started my interest in general psychology.

Since I have always been in a state of optimistic denial for most of my life, I was at service to others around me and ignored my own likeness in life. In other words, I was under the psychological confinement of my own ego. Yet, my Will overtook the ego in service to others. I went about searching for answers in science, observing others, and although I learned a lot about life… I got nowhere in truly understanding my own life and experience.

What really shook me up was the month I had my DNOTS experience and what I learned about unconditional love. I can’t shake the realism and overwhelming stack of my reality – my own pieces of memory, energy, realizations, aligning in such synchronicity! At such high voltage energy, and the intensity of my inner visions was so vivid. – I have taken drugs in my own experimental phases that include hallucinogenic mushrooms and LSD in my past, as well as Ecstasy and Mali. I will now admit that I have never tripped for more than 48 hours. – Try 11 days of spiritual sobriety (aka awakening) and being overcome with the sensations of all of these combined at once, in short waves and bursts of profound self-realization and unity consciousness expansion. I’m glad to be through my own veil. To remember.


Coming Out of Pandora’s Box

I really didn’t know what I was doing when I opened the skeleton closet, my own Pandoras Box within my Heart Center. I didn’t know I’d find my friends, family, trauma, and chaos. That I’d go as far as visiting my own record, retrieving forgotten memories, and wisdom beyond this lifetime. What brought me through the most rapid succession of several months of ‘spirit trials’ and initiations within. I can’t tell you how much emotional effort it took to get to the understanding I have. I have a few friends and family members to thank especially my husband for supporting me this year as I delved into these existential questions of destiny, worth, and self-healing. My promise was to emerge with the knowledge, wisdom, and understanding to share the truth of self-healing and happiness with others.

Since then, I have found my center and I have greatly appreciated the Soul Searching mission thus far. This week, I want to share with you what I have learned from these experiences, as well as the science and spiritual knowledge that I have research and admired in my quest to do with the Solar Plexus Charka, the Ego, Will, and Shadow Self.


Other Posts About Chakras

I have waited to continue writing the chakra posts because I wanted to be absolutely sure and positive about the sources, and understand my own lessons before I wrote about them here. In this way, I hope you take what is written here only as it resonates with your current understanding of yourself. Take no advice that does not seem fully right to do so with good intention, faith, and unconditional love.


My Personal Self Care Habits & Routines

Healing deep emotional imbalances, blocks or traumas can be really important to our wellness right now. To be able to live in a more loving way, to feel more freedom in our lives. Let’s explore the importance of this today as I give you some guidance for really meaningful self care time.

Read full Universal Astrology post for today that inspired this post


Using Crystals for Deeply Personal Self Care

Rose Quartz is really useful for your Heart Chakra, healing relationships and inner abundance and unconditional love for all
Clear Quartz is really a quality option for any healing, transmuting, or clearing. Coming in many forms such as raw Quarts, Clear Quartz wand, Clear Quartz Sphere, and more you can really vary the use of quartz for a lot of different ways. Ranging for meditation, environmental space, or even clearing rituals or routines.


Morning Self Care Routines

Any natural doctor or scientist will tell you how important it is to wake up and drink a glass of water. Natural or mystic coachs will often encourage you to take time to write down or ponder your dreams. Waking up slowly and quietly is important to your most energetically harmonious day.

I know when I have to wake up in hurry or force myself out of zombie mood, it’s really triggering for me into a bad or low energy state. Keeping me from feeling ready, willing, and excited to move into the rest of the day.

If your not a morning person (like me) then maybe you drink some water and go for some coffee and light morning reading or writing.

When I’m ready, I like to do any Vlogs or Recordings in the morning with a fresh new, alert mind. I find that I am most fair, unbais, and clear in the late morning.

I also take a moment to change over my daily Motivational cards and look over my collection of books and resources. Sometimes I take a moment ot myself to read something inspiring or choose a book to pick up later in the day. I might just pick a crystal to carry or simply hold one for a moment. I like to have a moment of gratitude at the beginning of the day. Thankful for another day to experience love, light, and hopefully some laughter. For my body, mind, and heart to know, think, and feel.


Afternoon Self Care Habits

I really find it most successful to stretch my body, muscles and limbs in the afternoon. I spend a lot of time sitting to work at the computer and by the afternoon, I’m really ready to move around fully. Stretching is something I take really seriously. Doing some extra Core Strength exercises is usually really successful too.

If I have had a stressful or heavy day, week, or month, I often find time to relief my stress in this part of the day. I tend to grab my essential oils for quick mental or emotional healing affirmations within.

Another glass of water is never a bad idea either.


Late Evening Self Care Habits

There are certain evenings of the week where either me or my husband have some individual self care time to do things without the other. It’s on these nights that I stay up late reading, studying, and learning new things. I have a lot of interests and open books.

Right now I’m still finishing original works by Carl Jung such as the Red Book and his book of Archetypes. As well as Thoth’s Tablets, and Hermetic teachings, and the Kyballon. There are tons of other things I have nearly finished studying for now as I have learned, practiced and adapted into my own understanding of self help and healing. It is these nights that I get so inspired to be ‘the scribe’ that I feel empowered to be a blogger in this age.


Self Care Days

I try to take it easy at least one day a week, doing the minimum requirements and sticking to self serving tasks or jobs. I take the day to clean my clothes, care for my desk and treasured items. I might listen to a lot of music or pick up the guitar for a while.

I usually take these days to catch up on videos I like on Youtube and catch up on the weeks’ Astrology News. Taking time to read the new science articles and changes in the world. I might spend too long surfing Facebook News, Groups, and Timelines.

I also try to call up at least one if not a few really close friends. There are loads of people in our life that are important to us as individuals. It’s those close family members and best friends we need to remember, cherish, and connect with often.


How Times Have Changed

A year ago I wouldn’t be writing this post because I would have been explaining how important it was for me to help everyone else. So much so that I didn’t have time, and didn’t need to have time, to myself. I knew back then that I wanted to. But I didn’t see the overall importance of it – for me.

That has dramatically changed as I have done more true healing in the last couple months than I would have ever known I need. It’s thanks to my husband, and my own inner forgiveness that I found this to be a personal requirement to my own inner happiness.

Now that I have developed a few daily and weekly habits to tune into and connect and inspire myself. I feel a lot better, more capable than before. To work and serve the world and those I love with more space for them. Not only do I know who and what is important to me. I can better serve myself, the people I love, and the world that I adore. It simply brings me joy to know that a little self love goes a lot way in loving the world too.

The Red Dirt Road of the Root Chakra Energy Healing

The Red Dirt Road of the Root Chakra Energy Healing

When I first started my self-healing journey, I noted that my primal Root Chaka was closed, and upon finding out that this was the sexual energy powerhouse. Well, let’s just say I agreed that this energy base was weak if not inactive. To say I have made progress in this chakra now is an understatement. I not only have an active Root Chakra, but I have much more healthy energy throughout my entire body.

Today id like to share with you my own experience, reveal some of my own practice, thoughts, and resources on the Root Chakra and the Red Dirt Road of Self Healing.

(Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional. Rather I prefer a “Student of Life”. In this way, some of what I say may contradict your instincts, and that’s for good reason. Please trust your own intuition and apply it to your own life. Let no one take your power of thought, not even me. With that said I’ve been reading about emotions, energy, and psychology, and astrology since I was a young girl.)

I will spare the details of my most troubling inner-worldly fantasies as a child here. This is what I’m comfortable telling today, as an opening to this post. I hope for those who may be struggling with their own mental health, that this is enlightening and revealing to the Truth.

After more than a year of being “stuck inside my world” between the age of 12-14, I was able to come out of these “mental” delusions, by choosing to live in reality. I came clean with my inner world and told my friends and family what I knew of myself, and my world. Instinctually, I used the color Red in my mind to push down this world. Out of ‘sight’ out of ‘mind’. In my own “mental defense”, every time I would think of these inner-worldly “thoughts”, or of its characters, I would think of the color Red and crush my hand into my forehead.

Over time, of my own mental power and free will, I was able to live more freely and started establishing Real relationships with others around me, just in time for High School. I lived a mostly normal teenage life. I don’t deter too much from this vibrant color of red, but I wouldn’t call it my favorite! I never got diagnosed or admitted for mental evaluation or anything, I simply choose to move on and live here in this life instead of the one in my mind. I’ll note also that I strayed far away from my Christian Roots and faith at this time completely, and kind of “detached” from reality on Reserve. (I’m an Aquarius, the Water Bearer, remember?)

Now that I’m older, and this world revealed itself again, I was not afraid but curious. And it has unfolded back into my path through my Root Chakra. I will now explain, as best as I can currently…




Introducing the Root Chakra


In Energy Medicine, the Root Chakra is described in this way:

“The root chakra sits at the base of the spine, and its energies move to the front of the body, spinning over the pelvis and the vagina in a woman, the penis and testes in a man. It exerts its influence both up the body, carrying the life force, and down the legs, providing support. This chakra is a channel for the primordial energies of the Earth…” 


I have been listening to a lot more music lately because it makes me feel great. But it can also be very triggering to me in helping to process my thoughts and emotions! The song “Love Letters to God” has been on replay in my life weekly lately, and one line stuck out in particular to me:

“Flipping through my chapter seven
I live with the snakes in the great deception
No court in this country for men
Who steal from their mother on paper with pen
And we’re tripping
Down a red dirt road
And we’re asking
Is this the way we should go?
Kissing, soft top feet of my goddess
We walk the earth, baby yeah we got this
Focus, and it’s redirected
Grateful, and I’m resurrected
Stubborn, But I know the way
You’re the skin of my drum
To your rhythm I will sway
Take my hand”

– Lyrics from the Song, “Love Letters to God” by Nahko and the Medicine for the People


I really started to wonder about that, and after some recent recovery of my old memories, including this inner world. Well, I remembered that Red was the color I used to “push down” my memories during those Traumatic days when I was young. After a little bit of research, I came across more of the native’s outlook on the wellness of being such as the White Bison!

Throughout the day I thought about this more and then suddenly – AA came to mind, along with deep thoughts about my father in law, who has been absolutely amazing with his recovery and addiction the last few years! I’ll take a moment to note that I am so, so proud of my state of Washington!

The struggle is real mammals!

The Heroin epidemic here has been extreme for many, many years. I’m so happy to say as a Witness to this disease, that there is INDEED HOPE FOR ALL.

There are people out there Serving and Providing the resources and networks for True Recovery. And it comes with forgiveness, devotion, and self-worth. Every addict I’ve witness return to health is such a profoundly capable and productive person, such large hearts they have! Those friends you see lost in the addiction of any kind, they have hearts of gold, such as a Lion!



Alcoholics Anonymous 12 Step Program

I have attended both AA and NA meetings (Narcotics Anonymous) a huge number of times, supporting various friends or family by escorting them to their meetings (by request of course). I have full faith, hope, and admiration for these individuals who take upon themselves their recovery and their own healing. Their loyalty, honesty, and empathy to each other are always moving to my heart and soul. I take great care to have respect for the struggling addict and will be there in their lowest time of need for help – a way out.

The 12 Step Program, as well as the sacred native healing lessons, reads a lot like my post that I intuitively wrote about before discovering this song and its meaning.

Self Diagnosis in 12 Steps for Personal Health & Well Being

My own experience from here leads me directly into some of my darkest Revelations during my own Healing Journey. Now that I have followed that Red Dirt Road, I am realizing how much I have learned about myself, my past, my experiences. My health in both emotional and mental areas has dramatically improved.

Another quote from Donna’s Energy Medicine book in her Chakra Chapter, to ponder for yourself (Note: This bubbly character can see and sense the energies of others.)

“Each chakra spirals down several layers into the body. The top layer, which sometimes feels more like debris than coherent energy, seems related to recent events that have not yet been integrated. As you go deeper, the energies get clearer and more consistent, and the chakra’s distinct influence becomes more obvious. The fourth level begins to pick up incidents from earlier in the person’s life. If I move into the filed deeply enough and reach the fourth, fifth, and sixth levels, I get images and stories. When I tell the stories, the person usually responds with a surprising confirmation… “

If you apply this to thinking dimensionally since our energies are all connected with our body-mind and emotional systems as well. Then what kind of story are you living that you are currently unaware of? Asking some of the deepest questions have been the most difficult but freeing thing for my mind and soul. My energy is much cleaner and I am becoming less worried and definitely much less fearful. As I know there is more to life on the inside, that I am recreating in my life in a healthier way now.



I can attribute much of this healing to the following list, that directly increased my Root Charka Energy


* Learning and practicing ‘Grounding’ – giving and receiving energy from the Earth/Gaia via physical contact. Mostly through naked feet or hands on the Earth’s ground, deep breathes of fresh air, or touching living plants (spiritually, giving and receiving life force from Source)

* Using Binaural Beats to Balance my Bodies Charkas, throughout – by taking 15 mins a few times a week, I brought energy into each chakra and then balanced them out, allowing energy to flow all the way through me, to the bottom to the top of the chakras, bringing life into my abundant primal energy from below in the Root Chakra

* Being more conscious of my Primal Instincts, needs for survival, and passionate responses and stimulus. And then further, How I was treating my more primal, natural, and instinctual behaviors (was I giving in or suppressing these needs and why). Simply noticing where I was over-regulating myself from my needs or wants, and how more or less constrictive I needed to be on myself. As well as noticing what ‘warmed’ me in these lower energetic areas throughout the day, was insightful into what I was feeling most passionate about, and what was making me excited about life. Taking note of what makes me feel Most Alive, or mental-spiritual speaking Most High.

* Prayer, meditation, and gratitude daily and often throughout the day, and forgiveness of self and others in a nonjudgement and way of unconditional love – giving and receiving openly. I hold no ties to Islam in this life but I can appreciate their dedication, as they pray to Allah up to 5 times a day and their morals are sound in their faith. If you ask me most men on this Earth have lost their way to the understanding spirit and the females have done nothing to remind themselves of their love for Life and Source. Think about Peace, and ask for it – we shall come to love all in time because of our gratitude.

* Learning to identify negative emotional energy and memories. Taking time to process them, accept them, learn, and then let go in completion and love of the lesson and elements and people involved. Only by understanding our feelings and thoughts can we use them to move into a more way of thinking.


These are probably not what you expect when you researched the Root Chakra to find this post. I’ll leave those posts describing crystals, and herbs, and mantras, and all the more common information for you to discover on your own. There is a lot to be learned about this energy powerhouse!



Here is what I have uncovered within my OWN experiences with working with my Root Chakra Center.

I have a number of “past life” remembrances that have occurred as vivid, dreamy visions while in conscience meditation. Some are of wars, animals, planes or locations, or open universal space. Some would say these are spiritual dimensions and I would agree, in an All One, Highest of Creations, King of Kings, Pure, knows and all plans all, the Source of all Universes.

Sidenote: There’s a lot out there regarding our expanding human consciousness, too much to source here so I’d recommend someone like Aaron Doughty to help better explain some basics – he’s all about “Expand Your Consciousness” and does new Youtube videos daily.

These visions greatly helped me to understand those memories I had tried so hard to forget with the color red (a reference to the intro to this post). Through a bit of a DKOTS experience recently, I was able to make out some incredibly difficult, but important lessons about unconditional love from loss, and the story of Lilith’s horror to many includes myself.

How do I know what they were, you ask?

Trust me when I say I’ve never been more positive about this. I am but a vessel of the divine at all times, and it is in due time that we all collect our deeds into a remembrance of what your teachers have said, and there are many.

As well as the fact that things have been repeatedly noticed by close friends, as well as mapped in my Astrology since birth, at least. Take it a step further and this matches for me in Palmistry as well. Add all the odd pieces to come to the same conclusion? It’s no longer coincidence anymore. Just one of these mystical explanations wouldn’t cause for personal proof, but after some extreme evaluation of the road I’ve traveled so far, and I’m now more aware of where I’m going. (I’ve always been pretty terrible at navigation, maybe this will soon change for the better!) The Truth isn’t in just one location, it’s simply revealed to you in due time.

Would you question your dreams if you had them consciously, while you are Awake? While you are Alive? Would you question your death if you knew what life you’d step into (or dare i say start over?).

No, I don’t think you’d question your own soul if you saw what brilliance you are at the core of your crystalline being. In this way, I pray that you remember yourself as a child, at One Before All Other “Things”, or Matters.


What did you think before you were taught to think?


Related Post: What do you think you know that you DONT actually know for yourself?


There is something to be said too, about all of the world’s knowledge and teachings being collectively utilized in their appropriate regard to spiritual guidance in your personal relationship with the source.

In other words, you were given your own spiritual puzzle pieces throughout your entire life. Did you pick up those pieces or did you throw them out? I think I’ve done myself some good in holding on to the right pieces of my puzzle, as I slowly build my very own Big Picture. There’s something to say about discernment because I bet there is a lot of pieces that DONT fit too. When it comes to healing, this lesson is important in the long run. What do you want to keep and why? Your Big Picture Puzzle is Perfect.



Personal Alignment through Perfect Practices

Kundalini Yoga and the yogi’s lessons are something I have just recently dipped my toes into. I have enough practice with using hand mudras and a few basic yoga positions because of my interest in our Bodies Energy Fields. There are some extremely powerful energy shifts inside when Yoga is practiced in Balance and towards Perfection for Source in Service. Personally been a little caught up with the Primal Kundalini energy, that is much more related to my “Dragon” side, or dare I say, Dragon Roots! Pun intended!

Read More on Yogi Fundamentals

Since my experience that day folding laundry Perfectly, I have put forth more effort into things like yoga, studying, reading, writing, and even being more precise about my expression out loud. Aiming for perfect balance in every moment that I am fully Awake. Impossible? Only mostly.


Here is an example of my own mindful meditation, use only at your own regard in peaceful, loving energy and awareness.

In my own practice I have found that this combination works wonders for my root chakra, please only experiment with your own discernment and intuitive will. Do not invoke any Spirit Animals that DO NOT resonate with you! If your inclined to Unicorns or Lions or something, that’s cool too, use them instead!

Sitting comfortably on the floor. With the best back posture possible while remaining comfortable. Take quiet calm breaths with your hands carefully cradled together in a cupped position (Using Dhyana Mudra, click for this and 6 others), arms down and hands in the root chakra area or resting on your legs. When ready to clear energy of the root chakra, Breathe both in through your Nose and Mouth slowly, as balanced as possible. Breathe out the mouth more quickly, emptying your lungs completely – every last little bit of breath in your gut exhaled, and this will take a minute. Personally, I do this 2-3 times and feel lighter and clear of mind.

I often greet my inner Dragon (or Snake) with care and respect, as I finish these deep breaths and welcome the warm fire, the purplish flames. I welcome Metatron for healing guidance in my energy body and emotional integrations at this time. And I imagine my own body’s geometric Merkaba spinning slowly, and all my chakras more rapidly spinning – as I imagine that energy cycling from my base meridians, chakras and accu-points in wide circles and arcs around and through me. Eventually, I can feel my energies all very strong and am able to mentally shift out and away from my physical body. Then, I am much more aware of my auric field and consciousness and connectedness energetically.

Sound silly? Good, cuz it kind of is, but the jokes on you because it works for me. And I’m a lot healthier because of it. Sometimes ‘being silly’ means staying sane!

To some respect to my own intuition, I attune to the Dragon Energy for Purity and Abundance, read more about the positivity of “dragon training” in a sense as a Spirit Guide. If you relate to dragons in stories such as Eregon, How to Train Your Dragon, Game of Thrones, Skyrim, and countless others then you are probably on a similar energy frequency. This is where I admit that I think Spirit Animals carry heavy emotional lessons, that guide us through these things. In more posts, I may refer to other animals, known to help us navigate through our emotional wellness. Some will read this and be fearful because of the fantasy dragons of lies, deception, and denial. Sound familiar? Lilith’s story is also twisted as she refused to be looked down upon and desired equality of perception. In this regard, our universe in many ways is also out of balance energetically. When we are influenced by the environment’s energy and that of Gaia herself in regards to emotions by the quality of water. I think the Sea Animals such as the Fish, Turtles, Octopus, Water Reptiles, and Sea Dragons are desperate for their home. I’d like to nod to those who are doing work to heal and bring awareness to our quality of water globally. What can drinking Purified Water do for your body energetically?

More about this in more scientific terms tomorrow!


Final Lessons from walking the Red Dirt Road Through My Root Chakra


The lessons from walking down my own Red Road are vastly helpful in Remembrance and “Redemption” — in my own experience anyways…

My own inner world has many voices but recently, I’ve become rather friendly to my spirit guides within. If nothing else, my inner ghosts have become friends and in this way – I am a much more mentally healthy person as of late.

Note, psychologically we all fit into multiple, if not all Archetypes in some way. I believe that those personal Archetypes are also influenced very much by the Stars and Planets. Using Astrology you might see yourself in god’s eye and understand yourself in this way. Think of how we must use our telescope to even dare to see this darkness of night and our mind wonders at the world both the good and the bad. What do you create within your life?


To relate this to your own life, I hope you take the following into consideration if you have reason to believe that your Root Chakra is in need of awakening:

This primal source of energy is extremely important to your survival in this physical place. Without this lower vibration, it is difficult to create, love, express, and expand your mental and emotional wellbeing.

This is why I advise anyone who might read this to look within themselves and Awaken this Energy Center of Brass at the Base of your Spine.


You can most easily feel this energy rather instantly by thinking about one of the following: Your Favorite Wild Animal, The Lover That Got Away, The Passion Behind Your Last Heated Argument, A Heightened Sexual Experience, Giving Birth, An Admired Teacher/Elder. Family History, Love for your Hero, Father, or Mother, Your Children, and Loving Partner

As always, please do not take any of this advice without thoroughly considering your own well-being and have good intentions, clear thought, and lots of self-love. I recommend you kneel for prayer and forgive yourself for these emotional memories if this was a triggering post for you at all. If “prayer” isn’t your thing, then a simple loving meditation with Yourself, forgiving yourself is the key to beginning the process.

If forgiveness isn’t possible, then I imagine a good Tree Hug will help you release negative energy. Namaste!


📌 Please Pin This Post if you Enjoyed the Read

Root Chakra and the Red Dirt Road of Self Healing


Have you cleared, balanced, and opened your Root Chakra? Please share your thoughts in the comments!  💬

Following the Numbers With Thoughts

Following the Numbers With Thoughts

In this most recent lunar eclipse, I had a day or two there where I went for a flight in my subconscious, a mental sore through my mind. All day long I watched the time. I saw numbers and signs everywhere I looked. It was probably the most eye-opening and mindful day of my entire life. I have always had an appreciation for math, but I’m more of an Astrology gal, not a numerology nerd, okay? I never really “appreciated” the value of our numbers symbolically until I started to understand more about geometry. Especially when applied to spiritual teachings, the sacred geometry of life and the language that math is to Nature. And that actually made more sense to me, considering my love for Astrology. What this had in common was the Nature of the Universe and Gaia. The commonality of spirit, science, cycles, and nature.

Okay, so I like numbers a little more now. How did this apply to my loony, I mean.. Lunar Days?

Well, I started to be very playful, and mindful, within my mind and memories. At this time, I had recovered a lot of old memories of my past and was confronting a lot of self-worth issues head-on. I was learning a lot about why I do the things I do, and where the habit originated from. This would then trigger emotional responses, which I accepted and transformed from. Then moments of realization that wash over you like a shower of new, calming energy. Although drained from these experiences, I was learning a lot about myself and my mental space. No more mind games, with anyone, but especially myself.

To some, I had to even ask “Please don’t think of me in this way anymore, I love you, forgive me? I’ve learned and so have you, I forgive you too. Let it be as it is, I’m here when you’re ready. Please accept me as I am.”

Read Post: Forgiveness Causes Healing

And others, I had to straight cut out completely in a very brutal way, “If you do not ask then you have no right to tell. Assume nothing. I will not stand in the face of lies, remove me from your minds completely.” The difference is one is in love and the other in hate, but there is something to be said about the way others “think about you” that affects you as a person.

There’s some truth to the idea that “it doesn’t matter what other people think of you, love yourself”. To counter this, I think if you apply this a step further and realize that everything is made of energy, which is greatly affected by thoughts. My personal opinion backed by my understanding and manipulation of thoughtful intention using energy, that people are connected energetically, and that they do influence each other! Dare I say telepathically if there is an energetic cord or connection built here in the first place, which is often the case with partners and intimate relationships. Especially if in close proximity, or family/friend networks. To allow anyone -anyone!- to cause you psychic harm, whether aware or unaware – this is uncalled for and in the negativity of envy or anger, must be stopped. You can choose to cut ties and ward that off at any time, in the name of Self Love and Respect of Yourself.

To think of the “number of times” that I stood in the face of lies, and how many times I tried to defend this in my outside world. It still wasn’t enough to shake me up on the inside. I thank these people for revealing to me what I so needed to face within myself. May the same occur for you in Time. I love you, respect you, and will keep a distance until you care to know my truth.

I will know you are when you ask me instead of telling me, Who I Am. Reader, can you relate?  (If so, feel free to comment below) Re-evaluate those who are negatively sending you their bad-vibe-BS!
– My advice is to politely shut the door and say,

“Speak to me when you ready to love me for me, please knock first.”


Musical Influence: NIN – Beside You In Time – Which could also be sung as ‘me’ vs ‘you’


Who am I this time?

Well, I have ALWAYS been the type of person to NOT pay attention to the time. Like, ever. To the point of it being a flaw… But! … I’m good at math!


If you ask me what time it is?
I’m going to say “day time” or “night time”,
depending on if the sun or moon is casting down its light
at the time that the question of time is asked…

Yummy mind food?

No joke, but my dad’s ringtone on my phone sounds off in a robotic tone, “Your Father. Is Attempting. To Reach You. Pick Up. The Phone. Now. Repeats” x3
Keyword there is “attempting”… I rush to the phone when I hear this ringtone because it reminds me to pay attention to what I care the most about – he is one of those people. So Yea, I have an obnoxious ringtone that is guaranteed to make me guilty for not answering haha!


I tend to “not notice” a lot about my life because I am a very “zoned” person.
What I’ve transmuted this into though, is a realization that I can be an extremely focused individual. And in this way, I am very dedicated to what I am doing at the time. This is not a bad thing, it’s just that people don’t understand my uninterest in multitasking, truly. I’m not good with details if I can’t focus, and this is difficult in such a chaotic world that constantly demands our attention away from what we are doing. (I hate micromanagement, don’t even get me started.)

Here is the thing. Growing up thinking I was “emphatic” had led me to develop a “shut down” or “numb” or “turn off”, a Mental Switch, somewhere in my mind space. I can just tune out the world, almost on command, but it’s fairly subconscious at times. I am great at tuning things out if I’m thinking intently.

I’m progressively training this Focused State now in relation to time and attention. I am more aware of my ‘limits’ with this state as well. Energy is used to maintain this mental state, so it’s obvious that the physical body can only maintain it for so long without energy depletion much like if someone was to do physical activity with the body. The body-mind needs rest in both cases.



Some people talk to themselves out loud, I just talk to myself within.

I think talking to yourself is a really natural thing to do!

Something else I’ve learned, and maybe I had to be “told” a few times that I wasn’t until I believed it… With that said, ‘The voices in my head are real, and I’m not crazy’. I have come to accept and acknowledge that it really is all of my own creation in my own world and that the only one that will ever understand that the world is me. And in these “dark nights,” I have come to terms with these characters. (I recognize certain archetypes from inner fantasies.)  I’ve sat with, talked with them, and spent time understanding my inner workings and intentions because of this. I am now more aware than ever, of who it is I am meant to help and why it is me that can. The lessons within are profound, and if you put your mind and heart into action then you will come to understand your own purpose too.

It’s just a matter of when…



Okay so, I really DO have an issue with TIME.

What did I do?


  • I took a day to watch the time, and notice numbers. Throughout out the entire day, I mindfully watched for numbers, with my phone at the ready!
  • I would note what I was thinking about when I noticed the time or a number in my environment, and I’d look up on google “1230 meaning” and let my thoughts lead me.
  • Sometimes I added them together to form a simple number (I got familiar with their meanings naturally after a time).
  • I was shocked at what I learned about my thoughts, numbers, and spiritual guidance in every moment.
  • I felt very aware of myself, and like I was instinctively coming to terms with myself and my plan as the day progressed. (I’m fairly spontaneous by nature, I don’t like to plan too much detail into my day. “Day Time” mentality.)
  • This self-diagnosed experiment was earth-shaking to my soul. I learned a lot.


Since then, I have taken this a step further and started looking at dates, times, and other numbers/signs I saw and it really started to come together in a very profound way. I’m just in the mists of becoming a Teacher.


Thanks for reading,
Written in Love of the Number 6: Finding Balance In Your Life, or Following & Leading in Equal Partnership

My Dark Inner World & What I Learned About Unconditional Love

My Dark Inner World & What I Learned About Unconditional Love

Have you ever heard of the “Dark Night of the Soul”? Let’s be real and admit that I have been undergoing a hugely dark part of myself in recent months. I have undergone an extremely revealing mental battle within my own inner world and spirit. It has led me into a dark world of regret, anxiety, and ultimately confusion.

12 Steps I Took to Self Diagnosis for Improved Personal Health & Well Being

12 Steps I Took to Self Diagnosis for Improved Personal Health & Well Being

I am here to share with you the 12 steps I took to self diagnose my overall personal health. I have deeply reflected on my past, present, and future to enhance my health and wellness. It has been so difficult to face my physical pain, emotional and mental chaos, and relationship faults and failures. I know within that I can heal myself, that I have the power to let go and forgive myself for things that I have done (in the past). So that I can learn from it, and MOVE ON to my true purpose in a life of love and happiness and well, prosperity! Loving life with integrity and purpose, choosing a path of unconditional love and respect for myself and every fellow human out there. And it starts with me. It starts with you, first, my dear reader. I hope you find these 12 steps helpful if you are truly looking to change your life and help heal yourself!


See, as much as I’m doing all this change to my environment (such as my ongoing “Honey, I’m Tidying” posts). It’s for myself, my daughter, and my husband. We are the ones who are affected by the same immediate environment. My family, they are also the ones that are emotional targets when I am upset, unhappy and unstable in some ways. In my mind, body, and soul.

If fact, to be honest, Bowden has been the one telling me that I’m unhappy! I’ve been all, “No, really baby I’m fine.” Insisting that I’m not, to be honest, was downright frustrating! Until…. I realized I wasn’t.

Do I have multiple personalities? Am I depressed, what? Wait, why am I forgetting everything? My sex drive is wacky. Like, what. 

So I finally was able to look within and did a full Self Diagnosis. Straight up, wrote up my symptoms, did online tests, ruled things out and looked things up. Hardcore, dug deep!


Disclaimer I am not a professional, student, or teacher. This is simply my own experience and attempts to heal myself of physical, emotional and mental pain by genuine self care, awareness, and love. I am a self-taught passionate person with life experience to offer and open to discuss openly with others.


Healthy Meal Planning Bundle 2019
If you’re wanting to get a jumpstart on your wellbeing, meal planning, and want an affordable bundle to get started with, this will never everything you’ll need for cheap!

12 Steps to Self Diagnosis for Personal Health & Wellbeing

  1.  Become aware and having a true Realization that there is a problem (and a willingness to accept it, and heal!)
  2. Being aware of the pain in the body and in the mind (and a willingness to accept it, and heal!)
  3. Tests of the Body, Mind, and Soul in search of clues or answers to what could be the root cause of the pain
  4. General diagnosis, a true admittance of symptoms, pains, and emotions
  5. Due process of elimination and communicating with your partner, people you live with, or friends you spend a lot of time with to express the feelings and emotions of this difficult process within (also, they will notice your shifts in consciousness and be curious)
  6. Search for answers and start trying new things to begin the healing process  (and a willingness to accept it, and heal!)
  7. Create a full self diagnosis and implement a new routine, a set of guidelines to follow, as well as a way to consciously track your progress
  8. New changes in habits begin to make an impact, thoughts begin to rise and fall and intuition begins to bring forth the underlying issues in your health
  9. Full awareness of the body and the area of pain, visualizing it clearly and consciously seeing the physical healing happen within yourself, enjoying the little bits of ease that come with continued effort
  10. Address environmental factors and create a place that allows full recovery, including family or friends that may be toxic to your wellbeing, as well as the stresses of everyday life – Simplify life and de-stress
  11. Continued awareness and acceptance through meditation and deep thought – ultimately reaching a place of forgiveness, and then release of trapped emotions
  12. True devotion to yourself and your health, a positive and friendly relationship within, and a belief in the power of your ability to heal completely 
  13. THE willingness to accept it, release it and heal!



Note: I am not a professional, these are simply the steps that I chose to take based on my previous experience of being a self-taught student in several of these areas mentioned and a controlled state of mind and a generally healthy sense of wellbeing in general. If you are dealing with a strong addition, debilitating mental or physical condition, or a worsening disease:

 I would encourage you to seek out professional help in the following areas: Naturalpathic Healer, Energy Healing, Acupuncture, Chiropractic, and Spiritual Awakening. Some other forms of help could be found in Meditation, Yoga, Massage, and Nutritionist.

Additionally, I strongly warn you: DO NOT to just visit your General Hospital as the ONLY source of answers. DO NOT take their diagnosis seriously until you have several opinions about your “diagnosis” from others. I do believe that the above “Self Diagnosis” is extremely HELPFUL to ANYONE with a more serious condition of pain or disease. Coupled with professional help, I strongly believe there is a cure for anything, including cancer. 



Revealing My Self-Diagnosed Test Results


Balance Your Brain, Balance Your Life – 28 Days to Feeling Better Than You Ever Have (2003) by Dr. Jay Lombard, Dr. Christian Renna, Armin A. Brott

  • I have extremely low, or poor dopamine production, and indeed have a cup more than half empty. Which causes my serotonin levels to be overcompensating and sending me into overdrive. Which causes me stress, never getting enough dopamine.

In other words, I’m running too cold. And I need to warm my soul, and my heart to be happy. And create that warmth within, and even to stay at a comfortable, warm temperature. Sun is best of course, vitamins D and all. Which I’m also very low on, and plan to supplement soon.


Regular Chiropractic Appointments and Full Spinal Analysis

  • My posture is a serious issue. I have been visiting my Chiropractor often now, and we reviewed x-rays which confirmed my assumptions and pain awareness but added greatly to my mind’s picture of the state of my spine so that I can more clearly visualize my spine healing and being in alignment
  • In the middle of my spine, I have a visual curve and lean to the right (I am bending with my right shoulder, down and towards my left knee, mostly because of poor sitting positions at a desk and probably co-sleeping with the baby, gravitating to sleep on my left side which was “safer” during pregnancy and remained a default position throughout cosleeping)
  • Of highest concern is the very top of my spine and neck, which is supposed to have a strong curve. Mine, has not only straightened but is beginning to actually curve the opposite way and is the biggest concern for my Chiropractic Doctor because this is the first signs of bone degeneration (not good at all to say the least and could cause me a lot of pain in the coming years)

I have everything good to say about my Chiropractor, who I visit semi-regularly throughout my adult life mostly due to back pain (mostly from sitting in front of a desktop computer so much for work and play). I also had regular visits during pregnancy and after birth. My daughter was also adjusted several times in her first few months of life and now, after every growth spurt. Spinal health is extremely important to everyone and I truly believe in the healing that can occur with spinal re-alignment.

Additionally, they have given me a free copy of my x-rays and are currently putting together a collection of exercises, custom to my spinal re-alignment as part of a treatment plan


Chakra Test Online

Found here:

  • I did a Chakra test and with my lack of self-care, there is also a lack of love from within. And I know I’m not spiritually awake and haven’t been for a while. It revealed that 3 of 7 Chakras are indeed closed. Both my third eye and crown, as well as my root Chakra are closed or extremely low in activity. To my content, all of my centering Chakras are active and open, none overtaking the rest but all averaging about 50 of 100.

What that means is that I’m disconnected from my life force energy traveling through me completely. I imagine my physical misalignment does not help this. And the fact that I’ve been so out of tune with myself is honestly, something I have neglected long enough that it’s not surprising that these areas are struggling.

I could tell within when I was doing the test that this was going to be the case. After all, it’s just a questionnaire online test here. (One that I’ve taken probably more than 20 times throughout my life now, and feel is accurate for me.)


Emotional Awareness of Remaining Feelings & Desires to Grow

Throughout this process, I have been very much aware that there were feelings and emotions that were extremely troubling. In an attempt to clear my mind of things that do not bring me joy, many memories surfaced. Through the process of forgiveness and acceptance, many of these negative feelings were easily expressed and released with thought and meditation or communicating to those I hurt verbally. Some, stronger emotions and memories, were extremely painful and I began to be extremely aware of how badly I felt.

  • Feelings of guilt and betrayal remain from a period of time in my life when I was lying, cheating, and sometimes even stealing from friends. I lost nearly everyone I called a best friend. In the end, Bowden remained with me through this but I have spent the last 5 years proving to myself and to him, that I can be trusted. Now that I have become a trustworthy person with genuine intentions and solid conviction. It is time for true forgiveness, acceptance for what has happened and what I’ve done. And a resolve or release of the negative feelings I have that make me feel so badly. And hopefully, through communication and effort, we can come to a place of peace with our past.




What have I done with all this information about myself?

I am beginning to create a self-diagnosed treatment plan for myself. I have been trying and doing many things to address my mind, body, and soul to get to the root of the issues and make a positive change in my day to day life that allows healing and enjoyment of life! Don’t worry, I’ll keep you informed!



If you enjoyed this post, perhaps you could pin it to a self help/self love, personal/mental health, or personal wellness board? Thanks! 

My Quest to Find Joy In Everyday Life

My Quest to Find Joy In Everyday Life

It’s ironic really that I have a blog called “loving life” and even though I tell myself I love my life, that is not enough! Experiencing joy entails that you do things in your everyday life that bring you to that warm, happy feeling of excitement, that is true joy every day! What to join me on my quest to find joy in everyday life?


For the last several months, my husband has been telling me that he “wants me to be happy”! After a while, it was so frustrating to argue with him that I was okay! I was happy! I couldn’t reassure him enough how much I truly loved him, our daughter, and the work I do as a creative blogger. It kept coming up though, over and over. Finally, things started to change as my personal mind began to clear up from my foggy mindset.

He was right.

I wasn’t happy!


What a question…

Continue reading “My Quest to Find Joy In Everyday Life”

Dear Blog Buddy, I’m Trying to Balance My Life

Dear Blog Buddy, I’m Trying to Balance My Life

This week has been such a roller coaster for this mama. As I desperately try and fail to find a balance between motherhood, time with my husband, and my own self care. Oh, and work! Meaning, the Blog Buddy Program.

Early this Week I focused more inward, and began a few new books. Some of which I picked up last weekend when Bowden and I had our (long awaited) weekend away.

I have picked up (again, with renewed motivation to finish it this time). As well as Marie Kondo’s book about Tidying Up!

Additionally I have awoken my spiritual side again as my special needs sister has asked me some deep questions recently. Because of her disability hindering her ability to understand or to learn new things easily. I have put much thought into how I can guide her to some answers. This has made a new appearance in my blog posts about the Law of Attraction.

The trouble is at the end of the week, with baby CJ struggling to nap during the day. It’s been extremely stressful to find time to also work on BBP, my own blog.

And the husband! Who is so supportive. But we haven’t been able to spend any one on one time since last weekend. Finally, tomorrow we will have a day and night together.

Granted we watch CJ, tidy the house, and tackle bills.

The struggle for balance and stability is real my friend.

You asked me just now, how I feel about my own blog these days. Probably now that I have the Vlog and something inspiring to write about. Well, I just feel like it means more to me at the moment over all. I’m not so “focused” on growth, I’m focused on the purpose of the blog and my writing. And that feels good. I just wish I had more “time” to dedicate to it.


Have you seen the new Netflix film “HEAL” yet? Because wow, it’s so unforgiving how much we have control of our lives so much that we lose all control to fears, and subconscious holds on our memories.


Right after I finished watching the film today, I couldn’t decide what to do. So I decided to fold the clothes I have been neglecting for two days. And I did it rather mindfully, thinking about what I had learned but open to the new ideas that may come to the surface of my consciousness. And a few of them, I think I’ll hold onto!


One being my perception of the word perfection.

And the other, my perception of clutter.


I realized by folding my clothes at first, that I didn’t really want to be doing it. So I addressed this and restarted my folding once or twice. And finally, when I came back a third time I was ready to be more mindful about the process, and I wanted to fold the clothes. I wanted them to be tidy! – This is evolved into a whole post by itself so you can finish reading that here: Folding to Perfection.

And then that lead to be later remember hearing someone saying that “A cluttered home is evidence of a cluttered mind space.” And I didn’t like hearing that! As the memory renewed itself, I know how I feel about clutter on the outside, I haven’t much cared for it. I ignore it.

As I thought about this again, I realized that I also ignore the clutter in my mind. Just like I ignored this evident truth about myself. I have been living in clutter, in my environment and in my mind. And if I believe the science within this movie HEAL, then I definitely have clutter in my body too!


All of this week has been very impactful to me. And having a blog to write to, is also feels very impactful to me and others. Which feels good, that’s what I want.  Right?

It’s evident to me that I need to de-clutter. Not just my house. Not just my mind. But my body too!


Thank you for being there for me through all these areas of my life. I hope you too are being inspired and motivated to progress as a human. In all the various roles you must have to balance. How are you getting on my dear friend?


Written With Love by Lee Bowden - signiture for


Read My First LetterVicky’s Previous Letter | Read Vicky’s Reply – Coming Soon

The Only Thing Keeping Me From Living My Life With Purpose Is Standing Still!

The Only Thing Keeping Me From Living My Life With Purpose Is Standing Still!

I have come to a point in my life where I need to start revealing more on the topic of Loving Life With Purpose. This is for you as much as it is for me, so let’s get started. Because uncovering a topic such as this does not come lightly. It hits deep, deep within and I want to make sure we start off these posts in the right way.

I mentioned in my first Dear Blog Buddy letter to Vicky (of CLAS, a mindful lifestyle blogger) earlier this week that I believe in terms such as Intention, Law of Attraction, the Power of Belief.

If you were to look closer at my social media and especially my personal Pinterest Profile, than maybe you’ve noticed my interests are much more than being a parent, to being a wife, or even a blogger.

I first realized the importance of these terms because of their potential to give my life purpose. When I realized what they mean to me when I started living as a traveling nomad or “street kid” rather, on the roads of the USA West Coast for a few years. I ripped myself away from my homes, family, friends, and comforts. In these years I stripped myself of everything that I “thought that I knew”, in an attempt to find myself.

The “good” news is, I truly did find myself.




View this post on Instagram


A post shared by Lee Bowden (@luvlifewlee) on


Reads: When I find my mind naked, my body clean, my environment at peace. Anywhere that I am, I feel at home. 


I realized that right now, I was human.

It was these simple realizations that brought me later to a deeper meaning to what I learned. I know now that I was finding out for myself, the power of intention, or the curse of belief. And I challenged my perceptions of religion, time, and eventually consciousness. Pushing boundaries I had built myself with the help of my influential voices. What I did during these years, was knock the barriers down enough that I could see every bit of myself from behind any wall. But I know the remains of these walls, these protective memories are boundaries in which I can never bury. Like Scars that remain on my Heart.


Now is where I admit the struggles that I have yet to address my life, and myself. I may have become too comfortable.

In more recent years, (let me be honest)…

Since I felt no need to impress, distanced from caring what others think. I lost the motivation to represent myself well in the world. I’ve lived comfortably in my jeans and PJs. I have not worn makeup in over 5 years now. I have kept my dreadlocks in since my travels, (with no intention of changing this, just FYI. I love dreadlocks).

Additionally, I’ve never been an organized, tidy, clean person. I was that kid that you had to BEG for WEEKS to clean their room, and eventually, I’d tuck it all away far enough under my bed they didn’t want to argue with me anymore and could see my floor. I must admit, I do have a stubborn side.

This stubbornness is a problem for me. What’s most irritating about this is that I’m MOST stubborn within myself, and my own inner relationship with myself can be the struggle that keeps me from success.

One part of me may want that, the other insists on something else. And the fight within begins. I sit down, and I stay there in this indecisive world of thought much of the time.


This my friends, is my biggest fault of all. Standing still. 


And one last bit – about me feeling at home anywhere I am…? That sounds good, so mindful and aware and enlightened of me. But let me reveal this truth: I have not attached myself to a location in many years now. The house I just moved from and spent four years living in is very clear evidence of my lack of attention, awareness, and care for myself and my environment around me. This must change, and it already has very much…

As much as I want to get organized. As much as I want to love living my life. I sit too still to enjoy it. I must be more proactive. Our reality together depends on it. As I believe if you are reading this, then I most definitely will serve a purpose in your life too… 

Hint: I Forgave Myself – And I started to heal…

Dear Blog Buddy, This Is What’s Most Important To Me

Dear Blog Buddy, This Is What’s Most Important To Me

Dear Blog Buddy, 

I spent so much time this week trying to come up with this ideal format and think about what to write and how to structure this. But honestly, I didn’t get to any of that!  It almost feels a little odd to write to you here on my blog, so openly. Ah yes, I do rather enjoy the uncomfortable feeling of new things. Do you? And, in any other way I’ve ever had a “pen pal”, well, it’s been with a pen! I do prefer the tapping of keys though, so thank you for this experience!

What I did do for you this week though, is get to something I’ve always wanted to do. But never had the YouTube Channel for, which is to record a “day in my life” video!

So, I’d like to start by dedicating that to you my beautiful blogging friend. And thanking you for everything you’ve inspired and motivated for me to do so far, in our blogging journey together!


I want to start with telling you what I’m most thankful for.

So that you know going forward where my true loyalty lies. And that is the simple truth:


I love myself. I always have. I am over confident, too optimistic, and a little unorthodox in a multitude of ways. I’m sure you can tell now, I’m such an odd ball. And I love it. 


Secondly, I absolutely adore my husband. He truly has changed my life in the best ways, but that doesn’t mean we’re perfect. Far from it in fact, we STRUGGLE a lot, the thing that holds us together. Is communication, our attraction TO each other, and the decision every day to love one another.

And thirdly, that we wanted our child. We very much decided together that we wanted to be parents to a beautiful little person. And not a day goes by that we are not surprised at how awesome she truly is. Not one little bit. I know going forward the the most IMPORTANT purpose that I serve every day, is to be a great mother to her. And so does he…

Because lastly, I believe in intention, the law of attraction, and the power of manifestation. 


I know I’ve been struggling lately with my own self care lately, and getting organized… but,

I must admit that most of my time with Bowden, we have both been very spiritually healthy and emotionally strong and stable people. It has been just recently, that I’ve kind of lost myself in the new roles I have taken on in my life so recently!

And to be totally honest, I can’t even tell you how proud of myself I am! Of who I am! 


I do hope you tell me how you are in life right now. And who and what is most important to you, outside of the daily grind…? Outside of the, one-word-weeks! 🙂

Because I think there’s a lot more to life than the days, or the weeks. Although I did rather enjoy doing the day in the life video. It is quite a strange perspective, but I wouldn’t want to Vlog Everyday. It’s funny that this next week in the Blog Improvement Series (here) is Finding Your Voice. Because I really do feel like I’m just STARTING to develop my “vlog” voice. More so, my approach and relationship with the camera.

It’s still so new and foreign to me right now.


Looking forward to your bits and bites of life V!

Written with love from your odd ball blog buddy,
Lee Bowden

Check out Vicky’s blog and watch for her response with me on Crunchy Leaves and Sunsets (expected on Monday-ish, I’ll link her response here when live)!


Read Vicky’s Reply | Read Next Letter