I’ve been going through some massive self-diagnosis of my physical body. I’ve also been purging my things, even my friends that are no longer (or have never) brought me joy. This has all been very difficult! I want to share some of the most important lessons with everyone so far because I think they are massively important (and affecting) many people right now! Maybe as a reader, You too, are trying to deal with your inner feelings coming to the surface recently. This is one of those brutally honest posts. Real life. Pain and love and passion. So here are many of my symptoms and struggles I am addressing with Self Healing, the most natural of all methods of vitality wellness and mental health.
My Physical Aches & Pains Symptoms List
- Tightness, a knot in the very top of my spine and base of the head
- Shoulder pain
- Pour posture, specifically mid, right back – twists down and to the left
- Heartache feels like I have a really big open wound in the top, left area of my heart
- Inner thighs, I’m extremely sensitive and extremely sour here all the time
- Lower back vertebrae, at base of my spine
- My ankles are weak, specifically, my right ankle that I’ve always been terribly prone to twisting repeatedly (I used to jump off a lot of high playsets and swings and ledges when I was young and so, so tough…)
- Although I don’t find myself with a weight problem, I am definitely heavier than ever after having a baby by about 20 pounds. I’d be super happy to lose about 30, but a loss of 35 would be great. Let’s get real, I was 165 when I had the baby, and I am now 178. So I definitely gained a lot even after giving birth. My pre-birth weight was 150. So, there ya go. Some TMI
- Low sex drive and interest in sharing or touching others, particularly more the last few years than other yaers previously
I’ve Dealing With Emotions From Bad Memories or People
I feel the urge to push them back down but because I’m trying to heal, I’ve let all these emotions rise up to the surface…
I don’t know about you, but I can tell you from the heart that this was not always a good heart in here. I’ve had some dark times and dealt very deeply with lying, manipulation, and cheating. About 5 years ago something triggered all of these things being revealed to the friends that meant the most to me in my entire life! They “found out” the truth about me, and I don’t fully understand how… But my (now husband) boyfriend came back to me. I promised to myself then that I would not lie, cheat or steal again.
The last five years I have been struggling to:
- Prove to myself and everyone in my life that I am living with integrity (not lying)
- Prove to my Lover that I am trustworthy and true to him (not cheating)
- Have any close female relationships
- Limiting my friendships with other males (part of proving my love right?)
- Limiting myself to fun, engaging, or potentially “threatening” circumstances (dare I have fun)
We can see when it’s written out that this is, well. Sad. I’m tired of this feeling of not being enough, or deserving of friends or relationships.
What I’ve Been Doing to Help Myself Heal Naturally
- I began to try to forgive myself for these things that I did
- I started to remember and revisit my memories in my mind
- I created a simple stretching routine for myself to release built-up tension in my body
- I dove into Energy Medicine and started consciously interacting with my bodies meridians, chakras, and subtle energy
- I began to think about the people I hurt, or who have hurt me, more individually
- Untangled from the emotions, I can begin to remember who they really are, what they did, what memories there are.
- I began to understand the negative emotions I had, and who and where they came from
- I remembered some of my old dreams, visions, fantasies, desires, moments of passion or drama
- I could better recall and understand the symbols, archetypes, patterns, and eventually the questions (identifying, what I didn’t know)
- The root cause of the aches and pains began to work to release from my body on a daily basis with mental intention towards self-healing
- I started intuitively cutting the cords with individuals, memories, or events that caused me negativity. Being very final in my decisions to not hold on to anything that was not bringing me joy. It quickly became very apparent to me, who exactly that I was holding onto, and in fact, did not want to cut ties with.
- Which made me miss these people I cared about, intensely. A longing I didn’t at first understand. Particularly my best friends! I’m sure you can understand… This made it easy to want to reach out to them, and mend our relationship. No matter how emotionally confusing or mentally draining it might be.
- I started to reach out to those in my mind, and in my environment, and my past and speak with them personally (if I could). I knew if they didn’t respond, or had passed away then it would be impossible to talk to them physically. I was accepting that some people may not want to talk to me, hear my apology, or be forgiven. So with an open heart and mind, I have approached the people that mean the most to me and my life.
I had a powerful experience in releasing emotions with my mom recently. I forgave myself for all of the lies I told, using essential oils with my mom a few weeks ago. The pain in my neck from the lies, along with the guilt/shame feelings are GONE. I realized too that the negativity was gone, associated with these lies… I could remember the good stuff again! I quickly got over that fear or “forgetting” them for this reason. I know I won’t ever forget anything that happened to me. But I do know now, that it’s possible to look back and not feel bad.
There are a couple of really important reasons I am going through this healing process.
- I am remembering the person that I truly am meant to be
- I am forgiving myself for the person I once was because of what it taught me about myself (what not to be)
- My mind is a storage unit that can be cleaned out and maintained with awareness and conscious effort to forgive and let emotions flow naturally
- My body is a vessel, a vehicle, that I must clean and maintain or it will fail to bring me further into the future (morality)
- My soul speaks to me through my emotions, and I want to listen to them instead of being controlled by them!
- Telling myself I’m okay is really only okay if I’m okay. If I’m not okay, then I need to deal with that first, so that I can be okay! If I really am okay, then let it be as it is and don’t make it something it’s not
- I do not want to cause myself or others harm. Forgiving others must come from a selfless place of acceptance and gratitude. If you are not ready to be thankful for everything that has happened to you because of what you learned from it. Then you need to learn from those things, otherwise, they are trapped within you. Causing any unnecessary pain and suffering is no longer an option.
- The truth is a double-edged sword that must be wielded properly and with honor. People will only ever be hurt by the truth if they are untrue within themselves. If you are willing to listen to the truth, then they have the potential to accept it as truth. This is only possible if the truth is revealed.
- I am an honest person living in balance. It’s important that you be truly honest, and open with yourself. Sometimes things within are raw, harsh, and hurt a lot. Let it hurt and find the source, the root. Feeling those emotions and working within your heart to forgive yourself!
- Making amends with the people that I care about will not only help me to heal but extend to their own healing journey. If you can, you should tell the people you hurt the truth about what happened, why it happened, and what you learned from it. Tell them honestly and the potential of being forgiven is higher than ever. (Trust me. If they can forgive me… They can forgive you…)
Granted, there are some people who I can not reach. But others, are out there trying to heal from the same things. Maybe even those same moments in time. You mise well make amends with the people you love. You mise well hear people out and let them change into something better! And you mise well quit trying to help the people who don’t want it! Because there are people out there that deserve to be your friend. And you deserve to be theirs! Don’t let your buried, trapped emotions keep you confined. or caged!
I’ll definitely keep you all updated about what happens to me, and what I find out about the emotional healing process.
Thanks for any kind words, encouragement, advice, or resources you might like to share in the comments. It’s not easy. But it’s been a magical experience so far.