How to Tolerate People and Their Issues

Posted on by Caylene

One thing I get asked a lot is how I can tolerate people so much from the people in my life? I plan to answer that as simply as I can today.

First of all, when I gain a new friend, someone I plan to get to know and spend time with: I expect them to be a long-term friend. Granted, there’s a difference between an acquaintance and a friend. So when I say friend, I always mean someone that I plan to be involved with long term.

With that said I also expect them to have faults and for us to have differences. It makes people more enjoyable when you have a variety of people in your life. I find pleasure in finding out what those differences are and getting to know people’s thoughts about things in general. ? Sure, occasionally we completely disagree, and that’s okay. Again, that’s okay.

Finally, I understand that life has its ups and downs and that I’m not the only one who experiences them. I know going into any relationship that there will be trials. So if we accept those upcoming trials, then going through those times together is going to be a challenge to our friendship.

 

 

But first, I have a question for you:

How do people in your life tolerate you?  ?

 

[wp-svg-icons icon=”spell-check” wrap=”i”] TOLERATE = allow the existence, occurrence, or practice of (something that one does not necessarily like or agree with) without interference

 

 

Still, the question remains,
“How Do I Tolerate People? … “

This question indicates that there are issues. Straight up, everyone has issues. Issues with self, with family, with other people. And sometimes those issues are specific to experiences such as work, drama, or anxiety.

 

The answer to the above question is simple, they chose to tolerate you and your flaws. ? They know you have ‘issues’ and they love you anyways! 

Usually, this is a subconscious effort of others because eventually, when you spend enough time getting to know someone, you accept their flaws. You are more interested and more overcome by their skills and interests. We do this with everyone we know. It’s simple, you care more about their well being than their discomforts.

The hard part is, accepting that you can choose. You choose to be tolerant, or intolerant, of other people.

 

 

Why do we tolerate some people more than others?

We all have different life experiences and some flaws may be intolerable to you because of a negative experience you’ve already had with someone else. Some people can’t stand how they treat their home environment poorly. Some people can’t tolerate it when others constantly show up late or cancel plans last minute. And so on. This is because You have an issue with it and it negatively affects your decision to tolerate others and their flaws. And let’s admit also that some personalities will forever clash. These people are acquaintances, not friends. We tolerate much less from our acquaintances in general.

[wp-svg-icons icon=”pencil-2″ wrap=”i”]There are exceptions to what I’m about to say. No one should tolerate abuse. No one should tolerate people being bullied. No one should tolerate rude behavior for no reason. And so on…

 

I tolerate people and their ‘issues’ because everyone has them. Including me.

 

If I want people to tolerate me when I make mistakes, then I need to accept that those around me will make them too. People will go through hard times, constantly.

The longer you befriend someone, the more likely it is that you will see them fall. Because at some point, people will fail. ? They’ll fail their partner or their job or their plans. They will go through times of anger and sadness and loss. Who has a long-term friend that they never see have a bad day? No one. Without failure, there is no success! ?

The great thing about keeping your friends and sharing those hard times with them, is that they will be there for you when you’re dealing with your issues! ? The  friendship blossoms when you can share success with each other! ?

And that, my friends, is why it’s worth stickin’ with your friends, even through the hard times.

 

 

Tips on How to Tolerate People Well:

 

  • Stay calm and listen to the WHOLE STORY before responding too emotionally
  • Avoid long, dramatic conversations in which you know you will disagree (politics, religion, etc.) with those who differ from you.
  • It’s better to say nothing at all if you can’t say something nice.
  • Be the bigger person, and walk away when you feel irritated. Politely explain, I would rather not talk about it.
  • When a friend confides a story to me and I feel I completely disagree but are not ready to say anything about it just yet, just tell them politely, “I’d like to think about this a little further before I respond, is that okay?” As long as you can be trusted to fully come true with your feelings in a better environment at a later time.

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The next question then becomes, How do you deal with your friends making bad life choices? Check out this follow up post! 

 

If your interested in knowing more about how to deal with people, I highly suggest reading the famous book by Dale Carnegie, How To Win Friends & Influence People. It will definitely reveal some huge information about how to deal with people in your everyday life.

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[wp-svg-icons icon=”bubbles-4″ wrap=”i”] Do you tolerate others well in your own life? Please share your thoughts in a comment below