There are a few lessons that I’ve learned during my baby’s first three months of life by being a new mom. I’d like to share a few with you today. I hope to spark a little bit of encouragement to the pregnant new mama’s out there, as well as a little bit of remembrance to those who have been a Mama for a while now.
“How in the world…”
Before I had my baby I remembered thinking, “How am I going to have enough love and enough time, energy and motivation to keep a new little person happy?“ I’m not one to worry, but I remember feeling so anxious about this. Being a seriously social person, I knew I’d still want to maintain my friendships! How was I going to do it?
I was worried that everyone would forget me. That they would not find me as interesting when I have a cute bundle in my arms and occupying my time. Either they would be too interested in the Baby to pay me any attention at all. Or they would have no interest, thus no care, to get to know my baby or show interest in us at all anymore.
The Moment of Instant Growth
What I immediately felt after having my baby girl enter the world, is this feeling of overwhelming love. And not just for my baby! But everyone in my life, everyone I’ve ever known. And everyone I will ever meet.
Somewhere inside me all the love that I had already in my heart, exponentially multiplied. And I know now, that I will always have enough love for my new child, as well as my family and friends. New and old.
As for those who may see me differently. Well, they should! They will indeed be seeing me differently. After all, I’m a mother now!
Those who are truly my friends, those I want in my child’s life: Will continue to desire my time and attention. All I have to do is reciprocate, and find the time for them too. Even if I’m occupied with feeding, burping, or diaper changing. Those who aren’t used to it, will get used to it. But I found that most people have been around parents and babies. They expect you to care for your child and are pleased when you are doing a good job at attending your baby’s needs. As long as I’m attempting to give them the attention they want from me, even if it’s ruined by a cranky crying baby, they still greatly appreciate the effort that I put in to spend time with them in the first place.
Okay, so maybe that was two lessons. But we’ll call it one. Moving on.
Having the Patience to be a Parent
Secondly… I thought that I was a patient person before having a child, but during my baby’s first three months with me, I’m realizing that I was just an averagely patient person. I’m challenging myself to be a professionally Patient Parent. To not get upset when she is. To not react out of irritation, frustration or anger. Instead, I am trying to be caring, attentive and detailed.
I’m not a detailed, organized person by nature. So I have to really try to put the effort in to be clean, tidy and focused. But every day that goes by, I’m succeeding a little more in these ways. As long as I’m putting in the effort for her, she’s thankful. I can tell because she is improving right along with me.
The lesson here is to not be overly sensitive about changing your ways. You will need to adapt to your child. And ultimately you can and you will.
And that, it’s not that hard.
I thought it would be. But as soon as she smiles at me, I know that every effort I put into her and keeping her happy is beyond worth every effort.
Becoming Baby’s Super Hero
This next lesson goes out to the partner, in my case to my husband and my baby’s daddy. I tip my hat to those who are not as fortunate to have a partner I parenting because I do not know what I would do without mine.
The men don’t go through a physical change like the woman does in having a baby. They develop some emotional changes and adapt to their changing wife. But it isn’t until they see that belly begin to grow that they really begin to be motivated and excited about the idea of being a dad/mom.
When CJ was (finally) born I noticed that he had a true interest and fascination with her. He’s such a natural baby charmer! Yet he prefers to follow my lead.
Having a 3-month-old is easier than having a 1-month-old because we have had enough time to become parents. My baby’s first three month’s of life have been a time I will forever look back on fondly. As hard as it was to adjust, it has been a magical experience.
I believe that the mother carrying the child begins to be a mother the moment she decides to keep the baby. Something happens, and you just accept the responsibility in that instant. Your body, mind, and spirit begin to shift into motherhood. Then the father becomes a father when he decides to stay with the mother and child. When he decides that his life is now dedicated to the baby and its safety health and happiness.
And finally, the mom definitely has the upper hand when breastfeeding. Men don’t have boobs, can’t have boobs and can’t imitate having boobs. So being the mother has its true pros and cons. You get to be the Super Hero when Baby’s really upset or is hungry. But the downside is, it has to be you…
I may not want to be the only one, on those days that I truly could use a break, or a nap, or ever just lunch. But sometimes there’s no escaping your baby’s need for your boobs. And ultimately, the biggest and only comfort a newborn baby has is you.
“You mean I have TWO super heroes?!”
I think you become parents when the baby is born and you begin to work as a team. It takes so much time, attention, and ultimate effort, to raise a happy child! When I can’t figure her out, he can. When he can’t calm her down, I can. During our baby’s first three months together, we finally figured a few things out.
Where may partner saves me every day is helping me when I’m strapped down by the baby. Whether it’s a glass of water, handing me a baby item, or preparing baby’s bed. He’s adapted to asking what baby needs other than the obvious boob.
At first, he was really feeling helpless because I wanted to help but he felt like he couldn’t because all she needed was the boob! We realize now that after breastfeeding, there’s going to be something else she needs next. So finally, after having a baby for three months now, we’ve figured out ways for him to be a Baby Super Hero too! It just took a little time and effort to know what to ask for and when.
The lesson in this is that you can be equally amazing parents by working together. Mom is not the only one that can help keep the baby happy! Much of the time as long as he keeps me happy, I keep the baby happy. And yet, when the baby’s happy she’s usually happiest with me, or with him. (And now that I think about it, having a live-in recovering Grandpa has it’s perks too. As long as baby is happy he’s happy and healthy!) I’ve definitely learned to accept help with CJ when it’s offered.
I hope that you have as much fun as I have had to get to know your newborn. It’s such a pleasure to see her growing up so healthy and so happy. It brings me more love and more joy than anything else in the world! And I thought I loved my husband before… Psh.
Nearly a decade together, yet, our journey has just begun!
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